Quick Update

(personal blog post) 

Yes, I know I haven’t been posting.

Life used to be ups and downs. Ever since I last posted it has been a lot of downs, to the point when I often can’t think straight. Whenever I see all that happening, I hunker down and go into crisis prayer mode. That means – no Scripture reading plan, and if I don’t think of any new Scripture passages to look at today I relook at whatever I meditated and prayed on yesterday. 
Actually, I will usually try to relook at the previous day’s verses also, to further ram them into my mind!

The pain of this season is more acute because of how well things went last year.

Psalm 30:6-7 (NIV) - When I felt secure, I said, "I will never be shaken."1 O LORD, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed.

Anyway, I am thinking of just sharing in a small way the verses that are on my mind this season. Bear in mind, there is no plan, so don’t expect things to build one day on top of another. Here goes:

1 Peter 1:3-5 - Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade--kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 

One thing I have to put in effort into – keeping my mind on things above, especially when things below are going badly. Earthly problems have this way to shout loud in your mind in the voices of fear, anger and despair. And that makes it hard to remember the living hope I now have.

1 Peter 1:6-7 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 

This is the part that grabbed my attention – suffer grief in all kinds of trials. During the time of writing, the trials the believers faced were various forms of persecution for their faith. And let’s face it, no matter how bad things are at my side, I am still not persecuted for my faith in Christ yet. 

But the passage said “all kinds of trials”. Does that include many disappointments and let-downs in my teaching? Does that include my son’s injury and all the stress and hassle that follow? 

“All kinds of trials”.  

I am very much a Word-of-Faith person, and I believe that God prospers and heals his people. So I do get tired of people who say that they bearing with sickness glorifies God. Nope, it doesn’t. It makes people wonder if the Jesus you believe in, who healed multitudes of people during his ministry on earth, is unreal, misrepresented or uncaring. Who gets the praise, honour and glory, then?

I believe we do. I believe God is the one who will lavish on us praise, glory and honour at his chosen time.  

1 Peter 1:8-9 (NIV) - Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

The salvation of our souls – if we take an expanded definition based on the Greek word sozo (Strong’s #4982, “make whole, to heal”, as in Mark 5:34), this also includes the healing and making whole of our souls. This ties in with Romans 5.

Romans 5:3-5 (NIV) - Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

In the midst of my trials, as light as they seem to my logical mind, my true character comes out. Eeewwwww, I don’t like what I see! And the only way to fix the character flaws and faults I see in myself right now, according to Romans 5, is to rejoice in my sufferings. Peter does not tell me just to rejoice, he says I can be filled with “an inexpressible and glorious joy”. How unreasonable! How ridiculous! How unbelieveable!

But it is just so like God, isn’t it, to ask of me what I cannot reasonably accept or do, so that I have to trust wholly in his wisdom and empowering to do what he wants of me? OK, enough of this for now. Will post again soon, hopefully. See you then!  

One of My Students

(Personal blog post)

One of my students is this little Malay Muslim kid.

He's a bright and excitable fellow, somewhat emo and angsty at times, but that's common these days. It makes teaching him the conventional way somewhat impossible, so lessons with him are more about giving more music and playing exposure rather than explaining to him the nuts-and-bolts of music in a way other 7-year-olds can understand.

He says the darnedest things. One day, in the midst of the lesson he said "We worship the normal God; you Chinese worship the Chinese God". I wanted to ask him "Are you saying that my God is not normal?" but decided that he wasn't quite ready for such exercises in logic. I wasn't offended by what he said, I found it amusing and cute.

Well, he IS only seven, right?

Recently I was working with him on a song that was stored in the keyboard he was using. Kalinka, a Russian folk song. He really enjoyed it, I guess all kids would have fun with the mood changes within one song! Just to give him some perspective, I went over to Youtube on my phone and dug up a video for him.



He pretty much went crazy over this video, and kept watching it over and over again. I was commenting to his dad that he may one day grow up to have a fetish for Russian women. His dad took a look at that video and then told me, "It's OK. There are Muslims over in Russia. It does mean, however, that one day you may get an invitation to a wedding held in Siberia..."

By this time, however the kid in question had already moved on to other videos, such as this one...

There's something weird about seeing an army of Russian soldiers passionately singing about snowberries and raspberries, right?

Anyway, that's some of the stuff that comes out during my day-to-day teaching. *shrug* I can't say life is boring!

Caught Me Offguard

(Personal blog post)

Just had the weirdest occurrence. I was at a nearby shopping centre, walking to the bus stop, when suddenly this guy smoking at one corner stopped me & offered me a lift home.

I guess I couldn't hide my bafflement, so he told me my block number & said he stayed at the same block as me. So that's how I got a lift home & a new friend at the same time!

On the way back he told me he noticed me one day at the lift at my floor when my dad passed Jessiah a picture (one of those old, large ones) and he then passed it to me. He couldn't remember what I told my son, (neither could I) but he said it showed I was a good dad, at least better than the one he had...

And that made quite an impression on him as he had just become a dad himself. His baby is 4 months old!

Personally, my first inner reaction was cynicism. “I wonder what would he have thought of me if he caught me yelling at Jessiah?” Later on, however, it dawned on me that people notice me even when I am too caught up with my own world (happens very often).  Sometimes what seems like no big deal to us may actually leave a favorable impression on onlookers.

And of course, since we don’t always see things the way God does, maybe God is really impressed or very touched by what we do also? Just a thought…

Quarrels Late At Night

(Personal Blog Post - modified from my Facebook post)

‎1.30 a.m., and there was loud quarreling from the void deck area below my flat.

In the past I would have been irritated, judgemental or amused. Now I find myself sad. Especially over the past 7 years or so I've learned firsthand what it is like to face provocation by a fool, what the Bible says is a heavier burden than stone or sand. 

Proverbs 27:3 (NIV) - Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool is heavier than both.

It is heartbreaking to realize that someone you geniunely want to resolve conflict with delights in prolonging the strife. You wonder why you hold back the insults and barbs while the other person doesn't, in fact, delights in giving you a double portion...

Psalm 120:6-7 (NIV) -  Too long have I lived among those who hate peace.
I am a man of peace; but when I speak, they are for war.

So now my heart goes out to those who have to live with contentious people in their lives, the agents of strife who delight in war when others desire peace. Is there a way out? The Bible says:

Psalm 37:37 (NIV) - Consider the blameless, observe the upright; there is a future for the man of peace.

God, bring me to that future you have prepared for me, and not me only, but also those who love peace!

Looking Back

(personal blog post)

August is the month I do a lot of looking back.

Maybe it's just my perception, but it seems like lots of significant things happen to me in August. Should I go check it up in the Jewish calendar and see if it coincides with any specific Jewish season, feast or event? :)

So I naturally think through past events even more during August. I read through my old notes, I flip through my journals and even look at older emails. There's always a sense of nostagia, of how innocent I was then. I always feel as if I am getting more jaded and cynical as the days go by. Of course, in a year's time I'll look back at this post and think about how innocent I was back then!

I usually don't have enough time or mind-space to spare for reminiscing, because I am really busy. But once a year I make the time for it. It's good, I find that it helps me plan better how to use the rest of the year, so that I won't be totally frustrated and remorseful over wasted time by the end of the year.

But August 2011 is over. Enough of looking back, time to get things done. I still have four more months to make 2011 rock, so let's keep going! :)

God, I Am Tired

(personal blog post)

Nearly the end of June now. School has resumed, and that means going back to the usual waking-up by 0600 hours ("It's a great time... if you're a chicken!" - Robin Williams) to get Jess to school, and after that struggle to stay away long enough for the day's panic and urgency to kick in. Then I get on with the rest of the day.

One thing about the school days, because they are quite packed, I don't realize how tired I am. But once I get that little bit more breathing space, the fatigue hits me with a vengence. And that's when I experience the 30-fold, 60-fold or 100-fold harvest, but not in the area I want!

(*blink* "where was I? Ah yes...")

Personal confession: do you know the one commandment I have been breaking shamelessly for the past 5-6 years?

Exodus 20:8-11 (NIV) - “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy."

The problem is, there is no such thing as breaking God's commandments and not paying for it. Even the command to let the land rest every 7 years (Lev 25:4) came with a punishment for disobedience. Disobey, and God will exile his people from that land, so that the land may enjoy its Sabbaths (Lev 26:31-35).

I know it makes me look like a slow learner (OK, maybe I am), but this year I started getting the nagging feeling that I cannot continue to abuse my body like this and expect to get away with it. So I started with trying to have one afternoon off each week.

It was tough. Why? Because I found significance and meaning in my hustle and rush. When I made myself slow down, it was as if all my self-discipline just went out the window. All the things I planned to do during my rest time (read my Bible more, practice piano or even just sleep) didn't happen. I found myself staring off into space blankly those afternoons that I DID keep free from work.

It's like those busy mothers who fall sick during public holidays and crash out on the bed for the whole day. Some of them get horrendous migraine headaches the one day they have less work to do. They were sick all that while, but it was only at that moment that they had the time to really feel it. And if they don't rest properly but try to bury the pain with even more work...

During the school holidays, I had more free time than usual, since I had less teaching. And I found myself mentally hanging (going blank) even more than usual. The good thing was that I got a bit more sleep than usual, since I didn't have to wake up that early to get Jess to school. The bad thing was that I felt so guilty over how little other work I got done during that time.

Persevere, JJ, persevere...

Other than my struggles with the discipline of rest, the rest of this month was good. I got to play accompaniment for a student's singing exam, I got to bring my sons for a movie (Kung Fu Panda 2), and I got to spend a bit more time doodling on the piano. I didn't do as much of my own writing as I wanted, because I found it hard to gather my thoughts coherently. But that is even more evidence that I am in dire need of rest. So I should just take it in my stride, right?

Now that school has resumed, however, I'll need to guard my time and my mind carefully to keep myself commited to the discipline of rest. Part of me thinks "just half a day? You call that obedience?" and another part of me is going "are you being responsible to give up that afternoon? Do you know how much income you are missing by giving up that time?"

When I find myself torn in two directions like this, I go back to this passage of Scripture:

1 John 3:19-20 - This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Maybe this will help you too, if you ever find your conscience condemning you whatever you decide. Just remember that our hearts can sometimes judge us more harshly than God does. But ultimately, how God sees us is the most important. And knowing that ought to set our hearts at rest.

OK, that's it for now. Got to get back to the stuff that needs to be done. Be blessed!

Hobble, limp, grumble, whine...

(Personal blog post)

It's the end of Feb 2011, and the thoughts most pressing on my mind: my toes hurt!

I kicked them against something hard (and that's all I'm saying, I don't want to look totally lame). They didn't hurt at first, but later there was pain even as I played piano pedals during church. And after playing for service I ran to the washrooms, looked at my by-then-swollen toes and realized I was going to suffer for the next few days...

So I went about limping around today. I did SOME teaching even though the doctor recommended that I rest completely for two days. But I drew the line at carrying the guitar around for teaching guitar. That would be going too far, so I postponed my guitar teaching to another day.

It sounds lame (no pun intended) that with all the horrible things that could have happened to me but didn't, my mind is fixated on my poor hurting toes. I'm limping around as I walk, and as I hobble I am feeling really sorry for myself.

Yes, I reserve the right to be silly once in a while! :D


Another thing on my mind this month was how I managed to clear a lot of my old clothes, as mentioned in my blog posts. It was a good experience, letting go of whatever I knew I had to let go of. I guess that's one of the beneficial aspects of Chinese New Year, the custom of cleaning out the house, which leads naturally to clearing out whatever we ought to really get rid of.

So now I face a more spacious wardrobe and a more organized working room. Hopefully I can keep myself disciplined in this area for the rest of the year. Keeping my personal space organized, though it sounds very trivial, is one of those little things that affect how well I deal with big things.

What's the next step? To make my first 2 hours in the morning even more productive. Tell you more about it next time. Got to get on with some other matters, so I'll continue some other time. Stay tuned! :)

Temple Trip with Jessiah

(Personal Blog Post) 
 

Jessiah and I went to a Taoist temple recently.

It was not for a cultural or enrichment thing, it was because he won an award for his academic performance in school. The award was presented at the temple, and so we had to go down to that temple to receive the award.

Jessiah was obviously uncomfortable as we got nearer to the temple. You must understand that it was to him a canopy of unfamiliar sounds (chanting, gongs and droning music) and smells (the incense from the joss sticks). I, on the other hand, because I was raised in a non-Christian family, was much more familiar with all these elements. In fact, they brought me back to nostalgia lane, back to a time when I was so much more innocent and optimistic (and spoiled rotten by a doting grandmother)…

I am still not used to having a camera with me everywhere I go, so I didn't take many pictures of the place. But here is a picture of the tent where the awards ceremony was held. You can see how many other people were there as well. It was quite a large ceremony.

So as I sat down and waited for the ceremony to begin, I realized that I didn't want Jessiah to grow up culturally stunted. In his day to day life, he is exposed to Western culture almost all the time. I want him to be culturally-savvy, able to move confidently and wisely in different cultural contexts. Because I would accompany my parents to various temples (Buddhist and Taoist) when I was a young kid, I am still comfortable with going into temples. I am not freaking out, convinced that I will get demon-possessed and will lose my anointing if I stay there too long. No, I am relaxed, in the moment, enjoying the experience and looking to see what lessons the LORD has in store for me that day.

 

This means that I have to make a conscientious effort to bring him into different cultural situations and teaching him how to manage himself well there. That is something that I have neglected (to be honest) and I realize that I'll have to try to fix that this year. How? Hmmm… let me get back to you on that!

Side note: here is something I found VERY amusing...

I never knew that Taoist temples had money changers too! I wonder if Taoists ever felt that a particular temple had a corrupted money system in place and wished for someone to go charging in, whip in hand and start overturning the money changers' tables!

Bass and Bible Study

(Personal Blog Post)

An unexpected day off. Good, I need the rest as well as some time to chew on what's been happening…

Playing for Sunday service was interesting. The music director took the bass (usually he's on one of the other instruments). You see, there are two sorts of people who play bass, those who really understand harmony and those who don't. Those who don't will play the bass notes they are supposed to, just like what's on the CD or what's written on the chord chart. Those who do may actually change the chords of the song on the fly to better fit the energy of the moment.

That's what the director did on Sunday. For example, one of the songs had a simple F – Bb – C – F progression that came out for both the verses and the chorus. And we knew the worship leader was going to camp on this song quite a bit. So the director did a pedal point thing, playing an F note on the bass throughout the changes, making them:

F – Bb/F – C/F – F

What this does is that it creates a lot of musical tension. People subconsciously expect the bass note to change with the chords, and when the bass note doesn't it creates a sense of building up. If you do something like that, you can actually go back to the original bass line later on in the song (maybe the last chorus, for example) and that would give the song a huge burst of energy.

If you want to be a bassist who can control the music in this fashion, you need to really know the notes of the chords. Like how a C major chord is made up of C, E and G, how a C minor chord is C, Eb and G and all that. You will also need to have a good sense of chord progressions, when a melody line allows for more than one possible set of chords to be used, so you can decide when to change the chords for a better musical effect.

Finally, you need musicians who will keep out of your way. There's no point on the bassist keeping to the F note in the changes, for example, if the pianist will still continue playing the F, Bb and C notes in the lower registers of the piano. That way, you end up with a muddy sound in the bass part of the sound mix. Bad…

If you are a pianist or guitarist in a band with this kind of bassist, you need to listen carefully to the bass at all times to recognize when the bassist is changing the notes. When that happens, keep yourself out of the way! One of the best bassists I know personally once told me that he enjoys having me on the keyboard, not just because of my piano skills, but also because I keep out of his way. Many other keyboardists he plays with don't care, they just happily clutter up the sound trying to play along with the bassist (and messing things up)…

By the way, that bassist was the buddy who helped me to record my Youtube vid on auditioning church pianists . When I talked about keeping out of the way of the bassist, he was giving me two thumbs up from behind the camera. It was only that day, after the video recording, that I found out how other keyboardists bugged him so much!

----

Another thing: it's nearing the end of the year now. I started doing inductive Bible study on the books of the New Testament this year. The goal was to cover one book each month, so I am supposed to be done with Colossians by now. But because I got massively distracted a few times this year, I am only up to Ephesians.

Yeah, I set Bible study goals for myself and FAIL too, just like many other believers!

Since I am expecting a bit more free time this December, I'll be able to catch up on the books I need to work on to get myself back on schedule and ready for next year. The key point, however is this: even though I didn't meet up with my own expectations and achieve my own goal for Bible study this year, I still got a lot more Bible study done than I would have if I did not decide to do it.

Yes, I could have still kept on cruising with the way things were last year. I was already spending a lot of time in God's Word even without the inductive study, so I wasn't too shabby. But because I set the goal this year and kept at it most of the time, I put myself in a place where God could reveal to me more and more of himself through his Word. And that's always good!

So if you have been setting goals for yourself and failing, or starting on New Year's Resolutions and quitting them by February, don't lose heart! All you need to do is to make sure that you go further, do more and last longer than the last time you tried. That's called progress, isn't it?

Me and Plants

(Personal Blog Post)

I've been really busy with work. I've done stuff ranging from music, my kampong (that's Malay for home village), to English Language to taking kids on tours to the Botanic Gardens. Now that last one was really weird for me.

You see, I am not really interested in plant life. You know those people they say have green thumbs? I'm not one of them. Plant life in general is too organic for my liking. My appreciation for plant life and vegetation is limited to really liking french fries. I know nature is good, and I want my two sons to appreciate and enjoy nature.

Just don't ask me to join them, OK?

Anyway, because a good friend of mine asked me to help him with the learning journeys he was conducting for a secondary school, I agreed. The whole thing didn't start off well. Because I almost never go to the Botanic Gardens, I keep forgetting how large the place is. My friend organized a training session for us guides, and I ended up an hour late because my cab delivered me to the wrong part of the Gardens and it took me ages to walk to the correct meeting point. As I was hurrying to the meeting point I was already muttering to myself "I hate this... Why did I ever agree in the first place... And why can't they make this place one of those itty-bitty little parks so that I won't have to walk so much?!???!?"

The actual tour itself went quite OK. The kids were quite well-behaved (compared to some other kids I was afflicted with recently). Of course there were moments when I felt really embarassed. Like this one: I was giving a brief, rehearsed explanation on some of the plants the kids saw that day. When the kids asked me some questions I hastily improvised some answers that sounded good but had little factual substance. (Parents, that is the lifeskill your kids will learn in the Arts & Social Science faculty of the National University of Singapore. Be warned!)

A few minutes later I found out the sweet young lady following that class, nodding politely at my explanations, was their geography teacher, who had an encyclopedic knowledge of the plants there at the Botanic Gardens, and who had been preparing the kids for that trip by teaching on the types of plants they would come across. In other words, the kids probably knew more about the plants than I did!

Ah well, such things happen...

Anyway, the interesting thing about this experience was that after helping out with that tour, I found that despite my lack of interest I started noticing the plant life around me more. For example, one of the plant types I had to explain to the kids was Epiphytes. These are plants that grow on other plants but not in a parasitical way.

After the tour I shelved the information on them into the Recycle Bin of my mind (to be deleted because it's useless to my life). But as I was travelling to my students' homes for teaching, I keep seeing epiphytes everywhere. Yes, they were there before all the while, but because I was ignorant my eyes just skimmed past them as if they weren't there. Now I found myself noticing them. I'd look at the following plant and think: "Bird's Nest Fern! They trap fallen leaves from the host plant for compost. And those little strands below the dead fern leaves should be Shoestring Ferns, right?"

God help me, I'm actually interested now!

And I even find myself going up close to the plants to get a better look. See that fern at the right, the one with all the triangle shaped leaves or leaf clusters or whatever you call them? That's a Rabbit's Foot Fern. I'm told that it's named thus because of the shoot (that little brown thingy in the middle of the pic) is supposed to resemble a rabbit's foot. Brown, thin, furry and bent at an angle.

The other guide who was with me was commenting "Does it really look like a rabbit's foot to you? It doesn't to me. Do scientists come up with these plant names when they are drunk?"

Anyway, I'm really hoping that after I get all this stuff off my chest I can go back to my usual world, thinking about how to manage my regular life, get better at my music and take good care of my kids. I really have to stop staring at every possible epiphyte I come across and taking pictures of them with my handphone. I've already got enough to do! :)

Thinking back on Monday

(Personal Blog Post)

I pushed myself really hard to prepare for Monday.

I had two things coming up that day, a music enrichment module (on songwriting) and playing for an audition for a hotel gig.

The Music Enrichment Module

That was super-challenging because it was to be conducted with a class of kids that were mostly defiant and rowdy. For the trouble-makers, if they were not actively causing problems (mocking the teachers, starting fights with the rest of the students in class and so forth) they were passive (going on Facebook and Counterstrike) while the teacher was trying to conduct a lesson.

Irony of ironies, some of those problem kids were outraged when told to shut down the computers. How dare a teacher mess up their Counterstrike session!

Anyway, because I saw those kids in action before, I knew what kind of challenge I was facing, so I worked like nuts during the weekend to prepare my lesson. Videos from Eagles, Michael Jackson, Santana and even the United States Marine Corps were carefully chosen to both illustrate the songwriting points I wanted to make, as well as keep even the dis-interested entertained.

When facing a class of kids like this, some people would spend their time complaining about how the parents didn't raise the kids properly, how the school should have allocated more resources to helping those kids and how ultimately everything is the government's fault. That does not help anyone in any way. I chose to face up to the challenge: I knew it was going to be like managing a large class of 5-6 year old kids (bigger sized, greater potential for violence, a lot better at provoking teachers, but still 5-6 years old at heart) and I prepared myself accordingly.

All my preparations went to naught. I put all the videos on my thumb drive AND even brought along my trusty laptop as a back-up plan. In the end the teacher's computer in that room couldn't even be switched on (so much for my thumb drive) and my laptop kept hanging every few minutes. So no matter what I did I was unable to conduct the lesson.

In the end the kids went back to Facebook and Counterstrike. Score: Kids 01 – Me 00.

Hotel Gig Audition

Why did I have to push myself hard for this one too? Because it was a piano and singer thing, and I was expected to do all the jazz piano solos and all that. Having neglected jazz for years because I was working on classical piano, my weaker side, I was very worried about blotching up the audition. So even while preparing for the music module I would take time out to practice some jazz standards.

The audition went well, I only messed up one solo. And at least two of the people there praised my piano playing. But before the audition I made it clear to the people involved that I would NOT be taking this gig. Why? Because of my kids. This was a typical hotel gig, starting at 7.30-8 pm in the evenings, and because of my kids' schedules that would clash with me spending time with my boys.

And of course I can't keep farming out my sons to my relatives 6 nights a week, right?

In the past when I was doing gigs at Chinese/Canto pubs, they'd start late at night, around 10 pm. That was just perfect for me. I'd get Jess to sleep (Jacques wasn't born yet) then rush out for work. In the morning I'd wake up to manage Jess, though I was usually groggy until the afternoon nap. But it was all good. I'd get to be with my son during the day AND get a full-time pay at the same time for working at night. It was a perfect arrangement while it lasted!

Things are different now. I don't get any Canto gigs anymore, that stream has dried up. And as my sons grew older and needed more of my time I had to turn down regular evening gigs, even though they are easy money to me (not that much work required). I am not too happy about it, but there is no point complaining. All I can do about it right now is to continue to be serious with my music (both jazz and classical) and see how things go later on.

Anyway, ever since Monday I've been kind of spaced out. It was a good thing that Tuesday was a light teaching day for me, because I was so worn out from the pressure I had to sleep a lot more than usual. I started ramping things up yesterday (work, training and practice) and I should be back in the full swing of things by this weekend. Yup, so that's about it for me this week. Will post again soon!

Dawning Realization

Personal Blog Post:

I went through the whole Bible in 2009 (one of those Bible-in-a-year plans) and decided that this year I'd focus on studying the New Testament as well as take another round through the Book of Psalms.

As I went through the Psalms this year, I just kept feeling that something was missing but I couldn't put my finger on it. I only figured it out when I re-visited this group of Psalms.

Psalm 25:1-7 (NIV)

¹To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; ² in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. ³ No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse.
⁴ Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; ⁵ guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. ⁶ Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. ⁷ Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.

Psalm 26:1-3 (NIV)

¹ Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have led a blameless life; I have trusted in the LORD without wavering. ² Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; ³ for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.

Psalm 27:1-6 (NIV)

¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?
² When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. ³ Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.
⁴ One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. ⁵ For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. ⁶ Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD.

This set of verses is an example of what I call the Crisis Psalms (first mentioned in this post). I didn't talk very much about that season of my life on this blog, but let's just say that a lot of the teachings during that season came from personal experiences and pain. :)

Anyway, what I realized when I re-visited that set of verses was this: the horrible, oppressive sense of being continuously under seige was gone. It's kinda like when a war veteran picks up the rifle he used in the infantry trenches and realizes that he's not in that war anymore.

Not saying that my life is smooth sailing now, but I finally took a look back and realized that I've come a long way since then. During those days, I couldn't even begin to imagine life being better than the continual struggle I faced then.

Of course I have moved on to more advanced problems, but now I have the added confidence of knowing that our LORD is faithful. As the hymn-writer so aptly put it, "T'was grace that brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home..."

And that's the point of this post. If you are facing any serious struggle or crisis right now, and it's affecting your clarity of vision and you find yourself losing hope, take courage. Hang on to your confession of faith and keep trusting our faithful LORD. Before you know it, you will find that you are past the worst of the storm, and much stronger in your faith for that experience!

Be blessed!

Saturday or Sunday Services?

Personal Blog (for once)


My church is moving premises. They're going to meet at a place is that is pretty small for the current congregation size, so the leadership decided to start a Saturday evening service as well, in addition to the usual two (one Chinese and one English) services on Sundays.

The worship director has tentatively decided that whoever serves on Saturdays need not serve on Sundays. So I've been thinking about that quite a bit. Should I ask to serve on Saturday or Sunday? Or just go where I'm needed?

Saturday - pros

• I get my Sunday mornings free. I'll then have SOME hope of attending seminars and workshops and all that.

Saturday - cons

• I'll have to re-schedule my Saturday afternoon teaching. Not sure if that is possible
• What if I have gigs on Saturday night?

I know this will shock some of you, but I am NOT on staff at my church. Really. I make a living teaching freelance and doing various secular gigs. When I have to manage all that AND spend time with my family, serving at church has to be VERY carefully monitored to make sure I don't go overboard there and neglect my family, work or my health.

It's a tough balancing act, and most of the time something drops! :)


Of course it would be good if I were on church staff, but it just isn't happening. At one point there was negotiation going on with a church that wanted me to work there full-time, but it was to be worship ministry AND other stuff. And in the end it didn't work out (much to the relief of many people in my church!)

And that also explains why my teaching articles are so sporadic, and why I had to take a big step of faith to work more on my new book this month. I have to juggle writing with secular gigs and teaching. There is so much more stuff I'd like to write and put up to serve the body of Christ, but it is difficult to manage all of that.

So the truth is out. There is no church financing my Invisible Worship Musician ministry, so thank God it is inexpensive to run! :D And whenever I get thank you emails from people who are on my email list, it warms my heart and makes all the time, effort, prayer and Bible study feel as if it counts for something in the big picture.

Ah well, I guess it all boils down to where I am needed. Maybe I'll try to catch the director one day and ask him what he thinks would be best and where would I be the most useful!

Random Musings (really)

Personal blog post

"I'm sorry, I can't make it back for lesson. I'm still stuck at school..."

And with those words my afternoon's teaching appointment was cancelled. It would have been nice if the student actually thought of calling me BEFORE I made the trip and was standing at his doorway, right? But for some strange reason I wasn't irritated or upset in any way. Maybe it was because of the agreement we had, that I would still be paid in the event of any last minute hiccups like this.

Or maybe it's because it's a hot, still Singaporean afternoon.

I don't know how other people feel about it, but I feel very serene and calm in the midst of the heat. I walked away from the student's place, through our local HDB flats and headed towards the bridge over a canal to feed the fish with some expired bread that I brought along from home for this purpose. It's good to have some time alone for myself.

... ...

One thing about me - I am very much a loner.

I don't mind being by myself. In fact, I quite enjoy it. Don't get me wrong; I love talking with people especially in a coaching setting; and public speaking leaves me feeling high for a long time after that. But this is one afternoon I am glad to be by myself, enjoying the stillness and allowing myself to soak in the serenity around me.

Being a loner means that I am better at the Christian stuff that is best done alone - prayer, bible reading and bible study. If you consider my other interests and pursuits, such as research, music and ancient styles of 'conflict resolution', you'll realize that they are very much loner-style activities too.

Of course this means that I have to work very much harder at the Christian stuff that requires living in community, like all the 'one anothers' we see in the New Testament, such as exhort one another, forgive one another, encourage one another and all that. So I don't get to gloat very much over people who struggle with the prayer and bible reading stuff. :)

It's rare to really really click with a loner. There are so many different types of loners, with different flavours of personality traits, so they don't necessarily get along with each other. :) The greatest compliment I ever gave someone was to say "When I am with you, I feel as if I am by myself." I wonder how many ladies would see THAT as a compliment! :D

... ...

I made it to the bridge, took out my bread and started feeding the fish with it. I usually go there on Monday mornings with Jacques. We stop there for a while to feed the fish before we continue on to my in-laws place and he goes to his kindergarten classes. The fish feed differently on the bread when it's a hot Tuesday afternoon, I noticed!

Thought of getting more bread to feed the fish with, but the only shop nearby is a Sheng Siong supermarket. I'm boycotting Sheng Siong, so I decided not to get the bread from there. The fish will just have to wait for another day!

Just in case you are not from Singapore, we Singaporeans usually buy our groceries and foodstuffs either from supermarkets (which are air-conditioned, dry and smell better) or wet markets (which are not air-conditioned, they are wet, smellier but the food is fresher). Sheng Siong was running supermarkets but recently bought over a few wet markets. And very soon after they bought over those wet markets they inflicted a 30% rent hike on the stall holders renting the stalls there.

What was their excuse? They claimed that the hike was necessary to pay for bank interest fees, taxes and maintenance fees. I don't buy that. Sheng Siong should have already calculated how much they could earn from buying over the wet markets; and if they were not going to earn enough to recoup their investment through rentals, why should the stallholders and their customers be penalized for it?

Some people speculate that Sheng Siong is deliberately trying to drive the stall holders away so that they can appeal to the government to convert those wet markets into supermarkets. I don't know about that, but I won't be surprised if this happens. Anyway, the wet markets Sheng Siong bought over are not near my place, so it doesn't make any difference if I boycott them. Besides, the stallholders are the ones who suffer if the wet markets are boycotted. I'd rather boycott the Sheng Siong supermarkets, let Sheng Siong feel the pinch directly!

... ...

Yeah, it's pretty rare for me to blog without any teaching points whatsoever. Well, if you find this and read it, it's because you were really looking for it. Thanks for reading! :)