Arguing About Food

A few weekends back, I was stuck in an argument with a relative over food. She wanted to have dinner with me, but wanted more expensive food and wanted me to pay for it. She euphemistically called it ‘good’ food, but we all know what she meant, especially when she dismissed all of my suggestions that would have fitted nicely into my food budget.


When she saw that she wasn’t able to persuade me from my stand (sticking to a wise budget is a basic discipline I learned the hard way) she started arguing with me, insulting me over my earning capacity and how little I treasure the relationship as I am not willing to spend 3 meals’ budget (6 if you include her) on one meal with her.


Moments like this really reinforce to me the truth of the following Scriptures:

Proverbs 15:17 - Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.


Proverbs 17:1 - Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.

Why would Solomon even set up a contrast between a place of luxurious food and strife, and drab food with peace? I am not sure, but I believe it’s because there are times self-indulgent people, whose god is their stomach and glory is in their shame (Phi 3:19) would consider luxurious food more important than keeping peace.


I know, most of the time we can’t choose our relatives. So if we have relatives like that, God help us! But there are two things we CAN do to reduce your exposure to this type of idiotic situations.


1) Choose your spouse carefully

Proverbs 21:9 - Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.


Proverbs 21:19 - Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife

If you have a quarrelsome spouse (male or female), he or she can turn anything into an argument. And that includes food too. You’ll end up walking on eggshells all the time, wondering when is the next blow-up coming. And your kids will either grow up to be argumentative and aggressive, or they’ll become timid and easily bullied by the people of the world.


So for the sake of your own mental health and the health of your future children, don’t ever, ever marry such people!

Of course, if we are all charmed by our potential spouse during dating and courtship, we may not recognize the person’s true colours until too late. But here are two helpful tips. Watch how much they insist on their own way and no other. And watch how he or she reacts when unexpected snags crop up. If they take them well (and over a period of at least 6-12 months), you know you have someone who isn’t going to give you much problems in this area. Also, someone who can take unexpected snags in his or her stride is the sort of person who can keep his or her presence of mind while parenting. Good thing to watch out for if you ever want to raise a family.

(And if you know the quarrelsome one is you, repent! Quick!)

2) Train your children well.

Proverbs 22:6 (NIV) - Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

We have to impart discipline and wisdom to our children and teach them God’s priorities. In this case this means making sure they are not ruled by their appetites but know how to keep their stomachs from wrecking havoc over their lives.


Besides teaching them the Word of God (all those above passages from Proverbs are a good start), we also need to teach them appreciate healthy food. Plain water is great, fresh fruits are fantastic and there is a joy in eating natural, unprocessed food.


We also need to keep our children from being addicted to processed and unnatural food such as white sugar, MSG and all that kind of stuff. Why? Because an addict isn’t able to think straight about food and nutrition. Their cravings will drive them to seek their own way regardless of the people around them. And that may lead to arguments and strife later on in their lives when they grow older.


Here’s the uncomfortable part: what example are YOU setting? Are you gulping down junk food yourself? Or can you say you set your children an admirable example in your food choices, attitudes and discipline? And again, are YOU the argumentative one?


For the relative I mentioned earlier, her parents were quite disciplined in avoiding junk food, but they were sometimes harsh and abrasive. That example was a hard one for her to shake off, and other people suffer for it. Including me…


Conclusion:


This is not a typical worship ministry post from me, I know. But it will be useful to those of us who are still single (so we know what to look out for when we are dating) and married with children (so we teach our children right). So do share it with people you think would appreciate it. Thanks!

The power of silence

“Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.” (Proverbs 17:28, NIV)

Those of you who have:
1) seen me play for the Monday evening services of Living Faith Church, (www.thelivingfaith.org)
2) watched me lead worship for Tuesday Group, or
3) attended my lessons on playing keyboards or guitars for worship,
know that I am a big fan of using silence to draw worshippers into the worship. When I have to construct a musical intro to start off a song, I will almost always have a moment of silence before starting the song proper.
And it works. Powerfully.
Many musicians, especially keyboardists, pound away on their instruments and wait for the congregation to start singing. And usually this idea works only when the worship leader is confident and skilled. He or she will start the song and the worshippers will think “Oh, so I start NOW…” and join in moments later.
And that’s ok, but there’s a better way. To use a moment of silence to tell the worshippers “I’ve had my say. Now it’s your turn.” And they’ll respond.
From a bigger perspective, silence can also be used to draw people into sharing. It follows the same principle: you start off telling them what you’d like them to share on and in what way, then you give them that moment of silence to let them know it’s their turn.
And if you’ve tried this method, you’ll know how difficult it is.
Because when we go silent, we are surrendering control to the other party, whether it’s the congregation during worship, or the friend during an after-dinner conversation. And something within us, an insidious sense of insecurity, panics at the thought of surrendering that control.
For a worship musician, that’s a lot of control. Think about it, with a mere flick of a wrist you create a sound that resounds through the whole room (or auditorium, or stadium). You’ve got people listening to you. And to just stop, for just a moment…
How to we build up our courage to utilize moments of silence effectively during times of worship and the other areas of our lives?
We practice such moments of silence in our daily devotional times with God. Reading the Bible, prayer, worship, all that is great stuff, but after you’ve done that, give that few minutes of silence and give room for God to speak.

“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth..” (Psalm 46)

Musically, when we are doing rhythm drills and exercises, we count aloud. Hey, even after spending so much of my life in music, if I’m trying a new rhythm and have difficulty, I’m still counting aloud. So you do it.
Do it to the point when you can feel the counts in you even when your mouth is silent. At this point, you can use the moments of silence in your music to draw the worshippers into the worship.
The skilful use of silence is a technique used only by the truly effective worship musicians. And when you learn it and use it, you’ll be one of them too…

Prayer time:  

My personal schedule has been crazy. Yet I know that there are people out there who need my training course in how to play guitar for worship. I am right now working out details with a skilful guitarist AND hardcore worship fanatic to bring my guitar course out of the shadows and out to the body of Christ. Pray for me that I will have wisdom to work out the best arrangements with this brother-in-Christ for him to help me teach my materials and convey my heart to the people God has chosen for us to serve and mentor.
And also pray that my marketing efforts will be focused and directed at the right people, the people who need my ministry the most.
Thanks, everyone!
Be blessed!