(personal blog post)
Nearly the end of June now. School has resumed, and that means going back to the usual waking-up by 0600 hours ("It's a great time... if you're a chicken!" - Robin Williams) to get Jess to school, and after that struggle to stay away long enough for the day's panic and urgency to kick in. Then I get on with the rest of the day.
One thing about the school days, because they are quite packed, I don't realize how tired I am. But once I get that little bit more breathing space, the fatigue hits me with a vengence. And that's when I experience the 30-fold, 60-fold or 100-fold harvest, but not in the area I want!
(*blink* "where was I? Ah yes...")
Personal confession: do you know the one commandment I have been breaking shamelessly for the past 5-6 years?
The problem is, there is no such thing as breaking God's commandments and not paying for it. Even the command to let the land rest every 7 years (Lev 25:4) came with a punishment for disobedience. Disobey, and God will exile his people from that land, so that the land may enjoy its Sabbaths (Lev 26:31-35).
I know it makes me look like a slow learner (OK, maybe I am), but this year I started getting the nagging feeling that I cannot continue to abuse my body like this and expect to get away with it. So I started with trying to have one afternoon off each week.
It was tough. Why? Because I found significance and meaning in my hustle and rush. When I made myself slow down, it was as if all my self-discipline just went out the window. All the things I planned to do during my rest time (read my Bible more, practice piano or even just sleep) didn't happen. I found myself staring off into space blankly those afternoons that I DID keep free from work.
It's like those busy mothers who fall sick during public holidays and crash out on the bed for the whole day. Some of them get horrendous migraine headaches the one day they have less work to do. They were sick all that while, but it was only at that moment that they had the time to really feel it. And if they don't rest properly but try to bury the pain with even more work...
During the school holidays, I had more free time than usual, since I had less teaching. And I found myself mentally hanging (going blank) even more than usual. The good thing was that I got a bit more sleep than usual, since I didn't have to wake up that early to get Jess to school. The bad thing was that I felt so guilty over how little other work I got done during that time.
Persevere, JJ, persevere...
Other than my struggles with the discipline of rest, the rest of this month was good. I got to play accompaniment for a student's singing exam, I got to bring my sons for a movie (Kung Fu Panda 2), and I got to spend a bit more time doodling on the piano. I didn't do as much of my own writing as I wanted, because I found it hard to gather my thoughts coherently. But that is even more evidence that I am in dire need of rest. So I should just take it in my stride, right?
Now that school has resumed, however, I'll need to guard my time and my mind carefully to keep myself commited to the discipline of rest. Part of me thinks "just half a day? You call that obedience?" and another part of me is going "are you being responsible to give up that afternoon? Do you know how much income you are missing by giving up that time?"
When I find myself torn in two directions like this, I go back to this passage of Scripture:
Maybe this will help you too, if you ever find your conscience condemning you whatever you decide. Just remember that our hearts can sometimes judge us more harshly than God does. But ultimately, how God sees us is the most important. And knowing that ought to set our hearts at rest.
OK, that's it for now. Got to get back to the stuff that needs to be done. Be blessed!
Nearly the end of June now. School has resumed, and that means going back to the usual waking-up by 0600 hours ("It's a great time... if you're a chicken!" - Robin Williams) to get Jess to school, and after that struggle to stay away long enough for the day's panic and urgency to kick in. Then I get on with the rest of the day.
One thing about the school days, because they are quite packed, I don't realize how tired I am. But once I get that little bit more breathing space, the fatigue hits me with a vengence. And that's when I experience the 30-fold, 60-fold or 100-fold harvest, but not in the area I want!
(*blink* "where was I? Ah yes...")
Personal confession: do you know the one commandment I have been breaking shamelessly for the past 5-6 years?
Exodus 20:8-11 (NIV) - “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy."
The problem is, there is no such thing as breaking God's commandments and not paying for it. Even the command to let the land rest every 7 years (Lev 25:4) came with a punishment for disobedience. Disobey, and God will exile his people from that land, so that the land may enjoy its Sabbaths (Lev 26:31-35).
I know it makes me look like a slow learner (OK, maybe I am), but this year I started getting the nagging feeling that I cannot continue to abuse my body like this and expect to get away with it. So I started with trying to have one afternoon off each week.
It was tough. Why? Because I found significance and meaning in my hustle and rush. When I made myself slow down, it was as if all my self-discipline just went out the window. All the things I planned to do during my rest time (read my Bible more, practice piano or even just sleep) didn't happen. I found myself staring off into space blankly those afternoons that I DID keep free from work.
It's like those busy mothers who fall sick during public holidays and crash out on the bed for the whole day. Some of them get horrendous migraine headaches the one day they have less work to do. They were sick all that while, but it was only at that moment that they had the time to really feel it. And if they don't rest properly but try to bury the pain with even more work...
During the school holidays, I had more free time than usual, since I had less teaching. And I found myself mentally hanging (going blank) even more than usual. The good thing was that I got a bit more sleep than usual, since I didn't have to wake up that early to get Jess to school. The bad thing was that I felt so guilty over how little other work I got done during that time.
Persevere, JJ, persevere...
Other than my struggles with the discipline of rest, the rest of this month was good. I got to play accompaniment for a student's singing exam, I got to bring my sons for a movie (Kung Fu Panda 2), and I got to spend a bit more time doodling on the piano. I didn't do as much of my own writing as I wanted, because I found it hard to gather my thoughts coherently. But that is even more evidence that I am in dire need of rest. So I should just take it in my stride, right?
Now that school has resumed, however, I'll need to guard my time and my mind carefully to keep myself commited to the discipline of rest. Part of me thinks "just half a day? You call that obedience?" and another part of me is going "are you being responsible to give up that afternoon? Do you know how much income you are missing by giving up that time?"
When I find myself torn in two directions like this, I go back to this passage of Scripture:
1 John 3:19-20 - This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
Maybe this will help you too, if you ever find your conscience condemning you whatever you decide. Just remember that our hearts can sometimes judge us more harshly than God does. But ultimately, how God sees us is the most important. And knowing that ought to set our hearts at rest.
OK, that's it for now. Got to get back to the stuff that needs to be done. Be blessed!
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