God, I Am Tired

(personal blog post)

Nearly the end of June now. School has resumed, and that means going back to the usual waking-up by 0600 hours ("It's a great time... if you're a chicken!" - Robin Williams) to get Jess to school, and after that struggle to stay away long enough for the day's panic and urgency to kick in. Then I get on with the rest of the day.

One thing about the school days, because they are quite packed, I don't realize how tired I am. But once I get that little bit more breathing space, the fatigue hits me with a vengence. And that's when I experience the 30-fold, 60-fold or 100-fold harvest, but not in the area I want!

(*blink* "where was I? Ah yes...")

Personal confession: do you know the one commandment I have been breaking shamelessly for the past 5-6 years?

Exodus 20:8-11 (NIV) - “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy."

The problem is, there is no such thing as breaking God's commandments and not paying for it. Even the command to let the land rest every 7 years (Lev 25:4) came with a punishment for disobedience. Disobey, and God will exile his people from that land, so that the land may enjoy its Sabbaths (Lev 26:31-35).

I know it makes me look like a slow learner (OK, maybe I am), but this year I started getting the nagging feeling that I cannot continue to abuse my body like this and expect to get away with it. So I started with trying to have one afternoon off each week.

It was tough. Why? Because I found significance and meaning in my hustle and rush. When I made myself slow down, it was as if all my self-discipline just went out the window. All the things I planned to do during my rest time (read my Bible more, practice piano or even just sleep) didn't happen. I found myself staring off into space blankly those afternoons that I DID keep free from work.

It's like those busy mothers who fall sick during public holidays and crash out on the bed for the whole day. Some of them get horrendous migraine headaches the one day they have less work to do. They were sick all that while, but it was only at that moment that they had the time to really feel it. And if they don't rest properly but try to bury the pain with even more work...

During the school holidays, I had more free time than usual, since I had less teaching. And I found myself mentally hanging (going blank) even more than usual. The good thing was that I got a bit more sleep than usual, since I didn't have to wake up that early to get Jess to school. The bad thing was that I felt so guilty over how little other work I got done during that time.

Persevere, JJ, persevere...

Other than my struggles with the discipline of rest, the rest of this month was good. I got to play accompaniment for a student's singing exam, I got to bring my sons for a movie (Kung Fu Panda 2), and I got to spend a bit more time doodling on the piano. I didn't do as much of my own writing as I wanted, because I found it hard to gather my thoughts coherently. But that is even more evidence that I am in dire need of rest. So I should just take it in my stride, right?

Now that school has resumed, however, I'll need to guard my time and my mind carefully to keep myself commited to the discipline of rest. Part of me thinks "just half a day? You call that obedience?" and another part of me is going "are you being responsible to give up that afternoon? Do you know how much income you are missing by giving up that time?"

When I find myself torn in two directions like this, I go back to this passage of Scripture:

1 John 3:19-20 - This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Maybe this will help you too, if you ever find your conscience condemning you whatever you decide. Just remember that our hearts can sometimes judge us more harshly than God does. But ultimately, how God sees us is the most important. And knowing that ought to set our hearts at rest.

OK, that's it for now. Got to get back to the stuff that needs to be done. Be blessed!

Commitment

A subscriber to my emails asked for my thoughts about commitment in ministry. It's a big topic, so i took a while to think about it. Three points came to mind

1) Commitment is a key to experiencing God's presence

In Psalm 15, we see what God looks for in a person who lives in God's presence. In other words, this is a person God is comfortable having near him; God enjoys this person's company!

Psalm 15 (NIV): LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?
He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbour no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman,
who despises a vile man but honours those who fear the LORD,
who keeps his oath even when it hurts,
who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things will never be shaken.

"Who keeps his oath even when it hurts" is the best definition of commitment I can think of. It is when it hurts that you see how committed someone is. Sometimes the hurt is not even actual pain but boredom. Are you the sort of person who chooses to exercise daily, who chooses to eat and drink healthily, who feeds your spirit and mind with the word of God, even when it gets boring?

One thing that worries me is how few people can endure boredom. Growing in knowledge and skills (including music and singing skill) means sticking with something even when it is boring. Serving in ministry may not always be exciting and fresh. Are you willing to make your decisions (gaining new skills, serving God, taking good care of your physical health) a habit?

That is when you start to enjoy the benefits of commitment!

2) Commit only what you are willing to commit

One reason some people break their commitments is because they are too ambitious when they start. For example, if you are just starting to learn the guitar, committing yourself to practicing for an hour a day is not too smart, because many people take time for their fingers to get used to the guitar. If you are new to exercising, doing an hour a day of intense gym work is not wise.

When I start something, I start with what I know I can do the day after tomorrow. So if I am starting a new exercise, I take it easy on the first day, keep it up the second day and see if I can add a bit more on the third. Doing it like this helps to make it a habit.

When it comes to ministry, be very clear about how much time and effort you are able to commit. Do not let the needs of others compel you into doing more than you are willing to do.

2 Cor 9:6-8 (NIV) – Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

The above passage talks about money. We see God's heart in this area, that he wants our giving to be generous and cheerful. He does NOT want it to be grudging or forced. If we give money cheerfully, we enjoy the benefits of giving, having all that we need and abounding in good works.

I personally take that as a principle and apply it to time and effort. Give as much time and effort as you are cheerful to give. The needs of God's house will ALWAYS be great, because many people who are supposed to serve either do not want to or are unable to serve effectively. And that means that there is a heavier burden on us who are serving.

If you let that need and burden drive and compel you to serve more than you are cheerful to serve, you will burn out and get bitter sooner or later. Don't let that happen to you!

3) Honour the commitment you receive

One big problem with commitment is that it is so unassuming. When a server keeps turning up week after week after week, he or she usually fades into the background in many people's eyes. We tend to take that person for granted, and pay attention to that server only when things go wrong!

Don't do that.

It's easy to forget the good someone has done when things go wrong. After a worship session that went badly, for example, it's easy to blame the drummer that played too slow so he could do the synocopated kick-drum pattern you hated. It's not easy to remember that this drummer served faithfully even through the past few worship ministry crisis, when everyone else quit and he didn't.

That's why you MUST make yourself remember. Especially if you are a leader in your ministry. When you serve alongside the same people week after week, you have more chances for conflicts, disagreements and misunderstandings to happen. As you deal with them, remember that you are trying to resolve problems with someone you can count on, who has proven himself or herself faithful, and is therefore honoured in God's eyes because of that.

Romans 12:7 (NIV) – Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honour, then honour.

Conclusion:

In this post we have looked at the importance of commitment, how much commitment to give and how to receive it. Out of these three areas, which challenges you the most? Pray about it!

Christ, Ministry and Talent

Pro 27:17 (NIV) - As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Minister Warren Gilmore wrote again on my Facebook wall about a week ago. Something he said kept ringing in my spirit for some reason. He said that in my book, I teach people…

"… build their foundation on Christ first, ministry second, and then top it off with the steeple of talent, keeping us in check with of whom our gift, talent, and, most of all, ANOINTING comes from! "

His comment made me ask myself, what does it mean to build the foundation on Christ first, ministry second and then top it off with the steeple of talent?

1) Foundation on Christ

It means that our worship begins from Christ.

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. (Hebrews 13:15, NIV)

Our sacrifices of praise will NEVER be acceptable to God based on who we are or what we do. They are acceptable ONLY in Christ. If we think that our innate goodness or the 'sincerity' of our hearts is what makes God look on our worship with favour, we are seriously deceived.

We have only ONE way to offer acceptable sacrifices to God. Jesus Christ.

It also means that Christ is the object of our worship.

John 5:22-23 (NIV) - Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son, that all may honour the Son just as they honour the Father. Whoever does not honour the Son does not honour the Father, who sent him.

Putting it simply, the Father takes it personally. When we honour Jesus, the Father takes it as honour we give to the Father. How about the Holy Spirit?

John 16:14-15 (NIV) - He will glorify me because it is from me that he will receive what he will make known to you. All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will receive from me what he will make known to you.”

The calling and task of the Holy Spirit on earth is to glorify Jesus. He does so by revealing what the Father has given to Jesus, which is, everything. When we see the Father and the Holy Spirit working together to glorify Jesus, how could we ourselves not do the same?

2) Ministry second…

Some people use very emotive language to describe their worship. They say they want to bless the heart of Jesus through their worship. I personally believe that the easiest way to bless his heart is to care for what Jesus cares about.

And Jesus cared about two things while he was on earth, glorifying the Father…

John 17:4 (NIV) - I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do.

… and the unity of the believers.

John 17:20-23 (NIV) - “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity."

I personally discovered that after I spent a lot of time and effort working towards unifying the worship, I began to truly value unity in the Body of Christ. And if you know how much a loner I was (and still am), you'll appreciate how profound that change is to me.

Ephesians 4:3 – Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (NIV)

I know that unifying the praises of the people seems quite superficial compared to working towards them being of one spirit and one mind (Phi 2:2). But if God will respond to that unity with his glory (2 Chronicles 5:13) then it obviously matters to him. And let's face it, if I am not faithful to do the easier task what makes you think God will entrust me with the harder one?

3) Steeple of Talent

The steeple is a tall tower on a building, usually topped by a spire (spear-like point). It gets the attention, but it doesn't support the building. In the worship ministry, talent gets the attention, but it isn't a foundation for the ministry. Only Christ and a genuine heart for the people he loves will do as a foundation for a sustainable and effective worship ministry.

I know it's fashionable these days to say that musical skill is the least important aspect of the worship ministry. And many worship musicians will say that Christ comes first, ministry second and musical talent third. They will talk about how they offer their skills to God, to serve him.

But talk is cheap. The REAL test of whether a singer or musician has offered his/her skills to God is when they find out what they do does NOT work. For example:

1. Some musicians have a very unique and personal playing style. That's great for self-expression. But are they willing to let go of that and play normal stuff so that the congregation focuses more on God than on the music?
   
2. Others may have gaps in their skill set, and find that they can't play what works. Will they start to take lessons and practice diligently to pick up the skills they lack?
   
3. Or if they are worship leaders, they may find that their singing range is too different from the average congregation member. That's when they have to decide if they will either train their singing range till it fits the congregation better, or if they will take a backseat and sing backup vocals instead.
   
4. In my case, I believe that 2 Kings 3 tells me to play like a harp when supporting prophecy or prayer time. I use that concept on the piano and it works. But there is a minister whom I regularly play for who moves powerfully in the prophetic. And he doesn't want the harp effect, he wants subdued chords on the jazz organ sound. Am I going to tell him, "Pastor, you are wrong! We're supposed to do it MY way…" or do I just give him what he wants, which he knows works for him?

So when the REAL test comes, that is when we see if people have a genuine heart to offer their skills to God.

I know I sound very exclusionist when I talk about these matters. But I am not. I honestly believe that worship ministry takes the least amount of skill and talent, compared to other ways of serving the Lord via music. But the skill and talent must be directed correctly.

And it may also be that a musician or singer may actually be gifted and called to serve God in other ways. Because we usually see the worship ministry using music most often, it's easy to forget that there are other ways of serving God through music and singing as well. If we try to force such people into the worship ministry, we are only making EVERYONE involved suffer. The musicians/singers suffer because there is a mismatch of ability and need, the congregation suffers because they are not getting what they need to unify their praises unto God.

Conclusion:

Stop for a moment and prayerfully consider your own ministry in the light of Minister Warren Gilmore's exhortation. Let's not get so caught up with getting things done until we forget to check if we are doing the right things or doing things right!