Teach, admonish and father

"Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me." (Psalm 27:10, NIV)

You know by now that I am a Psalmic kinda guy. And the above passage, which I read many times, I always thought it was just a metaphoric, figure of speech kinda thing.

But just a couple of days ago, I sat down to really think about what David's upbringing was like. The ideas were disturbing. How did his father, Jesse, see him? Was David treasured and valued by his father? Look at this incident.

[Samuel] asked "Are these all the sons you have?" "There is still the youngest," Jesse answered, "but he is tending the sheep." (1 Sam 16:11, NIV)

The great prophet of God, Samuel, came to the family out of the blue. Jesse and his sons, at least, those that were with him, were consecrated and invited to the sacrifice, the heart of Old Testament worship. What a great honor for the family!

But David was forgotten, excluded, not worth the hassle of sending a servant out to fetch him. Jesse didn't have any difficulty leaving David out of an important family event. How do you think David felt about it?

Was this an isolated incident? Could be.

Children tend to follow the example of their parents. Sons especially want to be more like their fathers. Could Eliab, David's eldest brother. give us an idea of what home life for David was like? Let's look at how Eliab spoke to David when David went to the military camp, heard the challenge of Goliath, and asked the rest of the men around him what were the rewards of successfully defeating Goliath.

When Eliab, David's oldest brother, heard him speaking with the men, he burned with anger at him and asked, "Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the desert? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down only to watch the battle." (1 Sam 17:28)

The other men took the time to answer David's legitimate questions. Eliab got angry, implied that he was neglecting his real job (taking care of sheep) and called him conceited and wicked.

Was this how Jesse also treated David? We can't say. But was this an isolated incident? Maybe not…

When you have a child growing up in a negative environment, the child will either behave very badly to get attention, or go the extra mile to get approval. Do we see any of this in the life of David?

"Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it." (1 Sam 17:34-35, NIV)

If I ever send off my sons to tend sheep, it will be with the standing orders that if a bear or lion came to steal a sheep, they are to get the rest of the sheep (and themselves) far away. If they ever try any fancy heroics like David did, I'll thrash them senseless myself, child abuse laws be damned. I'd rather lose all my material possessions than any one of my boys.

I'm sure Jesse would have given such instructions to David too. What kind of hunger for approval will get a boy to risk his life over a sheep? I used to read that above passage as a bold and powerful declaration of faith. Now I hear the voice of a heartbroken, neglected child, willingly taking his life into his hands for the sake of winning his father's approval.

Does that thought break your heart? It breaks mine.

If David really has been brought up to think that he HAS to perform to gain approval, he'll be extremely uncomfortable to have things handed to him easily. And that is what we see too. When Saul offered David his daughter's hand in marriage, the opportunity to become royalty through marriage, he turned it down. His words were very telling.

David said, "Do you think it is a small matter to become the king's son-in-law? I'm only a poor man and little known." (1 Sam 18:23, NIV)

Remember, he said this AFTER he killed Goliath and prove himself very capable as a military leader and received the acclaim of the people of Israel. This was AFTER the women of Israel had sung of him 'Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.' (1 Sam 18:7, NIV) He still felt the need to prove himself to King Saul.

And so when Saul set the bride-price at one hundred Philistine foreskins, David went to get two hundred. Having met and exceeded Saul's requirements, he finally felt he was worthy to become the son-in-law of King Saul.

I suspect that David was searching, either consciously or subconsciously, for a father figure for his life. What better man to prepare him for the task of ruling the kingdom of Israel than Saul? And now that Saul was his father-in-law, there was a legitimate way for David to succeed Saul as king, without having to usurp the throne.

'See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand!' (1 Sam 24:11, NIV)

Was David sincere in his love for Saul? We can see from the times he spared Saul's life, as well as how he grieved over Saul's death, that he truly loved Saul as a father. But Saul still betrayed David.

When we betray our children, be they physical or spiritual children, they struggle with pain and bitterness and will be more likely to backslide and go into the ways of the world. That is how I interpret David's settling in the land of the Philistines (1 Sam 27). His heart was still for God's people, but yet he began a life of deception, lying to his new master Achish, King of Gath. Was he acting out what the anger he secretly harboured against Saul's actions? Pretty likely, in my opinion.

And that is why David wrote what he wrote in Psalm 27:10. It wasn't poetic license or a metaphoric, figure-of-speech thing. He lived most of his life without experiencing the love or the guidance of a father figure.

Which brings me to the point of this post.

If we truly accept our role to teach and admonish God's people, we have to expect that just as we look up to others to mentor us and guide us in our spiritual journey, we will have people looking up to us as well. And because we live in an emotionally hurt generation, some of those who look up to us will see us as father (or parent) figures.

So what are we to do about it?

Teach and lead. Don't just do the standard Church-ianity thing and foist them off with clichés like 'Don't look to man, look to God.' Even the Apostle Paul, who lived his life totally sold-out for Christ and made it his personal mission to point people to Jesus, said 'Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.' (1 Cor 11:1, NIV)

He knew that people need someone to lead and guide them by example. And he took it as a fatherly responsibility. Earlier in 1 Cor 4:15-17, he said '…for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me. Therefore I am sending you Timothy, my son whom I love…'

And when you encounter those who go the extra mile to win your approval, like David did for Saul, please, recognize them for what they are, people who look up to you and want to please you. Don't feel threatened but celebrate their success as your own. By the way, that is one characteristic of good multi-level marketing programs, celebrating the success of those we disciple, even when they exceed ours. This is an excellent value for us as believers to embrace.

This is a long post, not directly related to the praise and worship training life. But it’s something God has placed on my heart recently, so I decided to share it with you all. Be blessed, everyone!

Hidden Customers

We had some sound glitches with during the Monday service at Living Faith earlier this week. And that was such a pity. It was to the worship leader’s credit that he continued to lead worship well without letting the technical problems affect him noticeably.

What made it even more of a pity was that we tried an interesting song link – key change thingy that I just absolutely knew (110%) would bless the people. I hope that the congregation was still blessed by it even though the sound system gave us some problems. How did I know my idea would work? Well, through lots of experience and understanding some fundamental principles.

AND because I watched the back-up vocalists during the practice.

Back-up vocalists. Most church musicians don’t really notice them very much. We usually see them dutifully (or listlessly) standing slightly apart from us, staring at their song lyric sheets (which most musicians don’t notice because they’re not listening). Or because most musicians are self-occupied people, we sometimes don’t notice them at all unless there are pretty girls among them.

Hey, I’m just saying it as it is.

Back-up vocalists usually fulfill two roles in the worship team. First, they provide vocal support to the worship leader. When they turn up for the practice, they get to experience beforehand what the worship leader intends to try with the congregation. They are thus better able to support him/her for that particular worship session, instead of the worship leader singing alone, praying that the congregation join in quickly…

Second, they also model worship for the congregation. Even if you are not actively participating in worship, watching back-up vocalists enthusiastically worship God will move you, even if only at a subconscious level. What you see modeled will influence you, and lean you more towards worshipping God enthusiastically, just as you see (and hear) them doing.

But did you ever think of them as ‘customers’ in their own right?

If you are a worship leader, you can see them as part of your team, there to help you get a certain song idea across to the congregation. Personally, I feel that if you are trying something that really needs the help of the back-up vocalists, something that just won’t work unless they support you strongly, that is something the congregation will not respond well to.

Or you can see them as a testing group. If the song links and ideas you plan have them singing their hearts out even during the rehearsal, you probably got a winner right there.

That was what happened during that rehearsal, when we tried the song link – key change thingy that I thought of. The back-up vocalists didn’t have any mikes during practice, but they sang so loud that I could hear them clearly.

And because the team usually plays quite loud, that doesn’t happen very often during practice. I could see from the faces of the vocalists that it wasn’t just a practice for them, but they were encountering God in worship even in the midst of practice.

Back-up vocalists are a valuable source of feedback, if you know how to value them and use them as such. They are the hidden customers that most musicians and worship leaders miss. They may not have the musical know-how to tell you what to do to revamp the worship music, but you can see from their faces if what you are trying works.

And because most do not have much music background, they aren’t impressed by how musically advanced and sophisticated your ideas are. They only care about whether what you want to try works.

So if you think you are a really skilled musician, that you have some really cool music ideas that will work really well in worship, put your ideas to the test. Try your ideas during the practice (don’t spring them as a surprise during the actual worship session) and see how the back-up vocalists respond to it.

Let me tell you upfront that the majority of back-up vocalists in church will go on singing dutifully even if your idea doesn’t help enhance the worship. That’s their job, right? But if your idea DOES work, they will sing out better, louder and clearer. You will see them smile (without the worship leader having to remind them to do so) indeed, from their body language you will KNOW when you’ve got something that works.

So do you dare to put your ideas to that test? If you don’t know or follow the basic principles of playing for worship, be prepared to fail the test more often than necessary.

Again, I’m saying it just as it is.

People, I’ve had a brother-in-Christ, one I really respect and look up to, share with me his personal concerns about my ‘marketing’ text. He felt that I shouldn’t describe my teaching and info the way I do, as teaching essential keys to getting worship to take-off.

And because this was feedback from a brother-in-Christ I really respect, not some theorist-wannabe’s knee-jerk reaction, I really gave it a lot of prayer and thought. I spent lots of time in prayer and waiting on God, laying my heart before him, waiting for him to tell me if I am in error or acting in pride.

Even after all this additional soul-searching, I still stand by what I say about what I teach. I cannot tone down my course description, especially about the two new courses I now offer, without being insincere. I still see people in worship ministry struggle because they need what I have to offer but don’t have it. And that is why I am putting in extra effort this December to organize extra teaching sessions, hoping that I can minister to even more people in the midst of this holiday season.

So help me get the word out. I'll be emailing you soon with the schedule for the lessons. And pray for me, first ly that I have the wisdom of God as I plan my schedule for this month, and that I will be able to reach out to more people, that God will bring into my path the people who will really be blessed by what I have to teach. Thanks!

Be blessed, everyone!

Stage Fright

I did a performance thingy one Friday.

Those you who have been with me for some time or have attended my various worship training sessions know that I firmly believe that worship is meant for the congregation to participate in, not for a few people to perform in. Over the years I have focused more and more on worship, rather than performing, and thus have gotten better and better at worship rather than performing.

And so the moment before I went up on stage for the Living Faith Church “Honor the Servers” event to perform two worship songs I wrote myself, I had stage fright again.

Yeah, even after all these years.

What I was told later was that I did well, so that means that the methods I use to conquer stage fright work. Thought of sharing them with you today.

The MOST important thing you MUST know: ALL stage fright is based on two factors: 1) that people are all focusing on you; and 2) the feeling that you are losing control. So the secret to overcoming stage fright is dealing with these two factors.

So in a worship context, you need to shift people’s attention away from you and to God AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! Firstly, because that’s your job as a worship minister, and second, because that takes away from you pressure that you don’t have to undergo in order to get the job done.

If you are a worship leader, get the people to start singing or to do something together as a congregation as soon as possible. In general, praying and exhorting the congregation before worship is quite unnecessary, in my opinion. It adds to the pressure on you (which you don’t want) and delays the start of worship (which THEY don’t want) and means that you have to put in even more work to generate the momentum in worship later once they do get started.

So if you can do it, do it well and yet generate the momentum later once you start the worship, great! Personally, even after all these years of leading worship, I don’t do all that kind of stuff.

Now, if you are a worship musician or your mouth volunteered you for something before your rational mind kicked in (as happened in MY case), your struggle will be more of the second factor, the feeling that you are losing control.

How can you deal with that situation? First, have a familiar preparation routine. That can range from a familiar song intro style you use or even something as simple as washing your hands and drying them exactly the same way every time. This tells your subconscious that you ARE in control.

For me I’d either keep moving (if I have to do something that doesn’t involve me talking) or pray for a relevant joke to use (Lots of people present that evening enjoyed my joke about my voice inspiring thanksgiving). When the people started laughing I knew I was still very much in control.

The keep moving method is one I don’t really use these days, because people in church tend to freak out when they see me do stretching exercises, but you can easily find other ideas you can adapt and use in YOUR situation.

There were some points I slipped up. For example, I had a mike in front of me during my singing, so to keep myself from going cross-eyed looking at the mike I just closed my eyes while singing (and played some chords wrong). But overall I did OK. Sometimes it’s a question of how you choose to see the whole experience.

As I mentioned before, the worship songs were those I wrote, so I could see the whole experience in two ways. I could choose to see the experience of performing my own worship songs as being judged. Composing something is very personal because you put a lot of who you are as a person into it, and it’s very easy to interpret people rejecting it as rejecting who you are as a person.

Or I could see it in this way: because it’s MY song nobody else knows it. Therefore no one else will know if I get it wrong. A lot less pressure, right? I chose to see it this way…

Of course all these ideas are not meant to replace proper preparation. The two songs I used are songs I wrote from Scripture passages very dear to me (from the book of Psalms, surprised?) and for two weeks before I was using those two songs in my daily devotionals and discovering what songs could be effectively linked with those two songs. (Hey, once a worship leader, always a worship leader).

But sometimes even after we’ve prepared a lot we still get the jitters. That’s where the ideas here come in useful. Try them out and let me know what you think, OK?

Side Point: It’s the December holidays now. Lots of people are going to be on leave, so I am trying to organize weekday training events for them. I’ll make the announcement soon, but if you have any suggestions or any specific training you want me to do (in an intensive session) do email me and let me know, OK? And do let your friends know about this too. I’m thinking (and praying) through all this right now and will email you about this shortly.

OK, be blessed, everyone!